November 15, 2011
It's the xmas bug
It's been raining cats and dogs in the evenings the past few days - very nice, very cooling, no doubt. These few months are the months of endings and beginnings. Endings for some long-term commitment, endings for some shorter-term commitment; beginning of some new challenges, beginning of some new chapters of life. Things have been going well, to be thankful for. Weather has not been too harsh, to be thankful for. Very soon, it will be Christmas.This Christmas, I plan to send cards. An old-fashioned way of sending greetings to people who matter. But, tell me, whose heart does not skip a beat in surprise when they see their name on an envelope (aside from bills) and slip a finger into it, in anticipation of knowing who thought of them enough to send a greeting card (not sms, watsapp or email) these days. A very small, but sweet gesture. At least, I feel this way. And because I feel this way, I came across a birthday card that was meant for my 14th birthday (that's more than half-my-life ago) from my group of secondary friends (most of which I still keep close contact with), when I did a spring cleaning of my drawers recently. I also found a Valentine's Day card from a secondary school friend, with whom I lost contact. Perhaps our friendship was meant to last for that chapter of our lives and as we moved on in our own lives, we walk a separate path from each other. Still, I actually can remember my surprise when I received the card more than a decade ago. Browsing through the drawer-full of cards and notes, I realise that it's very true - we may forget what the person has done for us or to us, but we never forget how that person made us feel. Where I'm concerned, I always remember when someone in my life has shown unusual kindness to me; and not remember those who have hurt me or let me down. I remember appreciation, gratitude, kindness, not disappointment, anger and hurt. Since we can only do that much remembering in a lifetime, I am thankful I have always found it easier to remember positive feelings.Maybe, what I send out this year will be treated in the way my sister treats greeting cards - thrown away once it's over-season. Many years down the road, there will not even be a reminder of that special effort taken to buy, write, sign, seal and send a greeting card. But, because it's Christmas... because it's the time of the year when everyone gets a little more warm and fuzzy inside, in spite of the colder weather, I can only have faith that every card sent out puts a smile on a face and warms a forgotten corner of the heart.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 15:42
November 03, 2011
The cool girlfriend kind
I made the choice to take one step out. One step that many, under the same circumstances, may not choose to take. A step of declaration, of affirmation. Not in anyone's God, but in my commitment, my desire to have a shot at a 'future'.
Tonight, after about 9 months from taking that one step, I felt ostracised by the very person accompanying me throughout, so far. It felt like, 'what the fuck?'
But I remembered Anna said I am the cool girlfriend. So, I decided to shower, eat and work on more constructive matters.
I guess, what I really want to say is, if what I have done, in this aspect, for us, is not good enough, then perhaps I am just not good enough for you.
That's all I have left to say. As compared to ostracising, I have said too much.
Cool girlfriend thinks, 'whatever! Am just not going to waste life getting worked up over that.' Especially not when she has not been sleeping soundly for 2 nights. The prayer for a good, sound night of sleep.
posted from Bloggeroid
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:56